Have you ever watched a romantic movie, looked at a soppy Valentine’s card or spied that young couple in love sitting lakeside and thought to yourself, ‘…they just look so happy’? Have you ever wondered why you are not that happy? Have you ever thought that you deserve to be as happy as they look? I’m sure at one time or another we have all felt that way. It seems that whenever things in your marriage seem to not be going right, you are surrounded by people that look just plain happy.

Now, we all know that our marriages can’t possibly read like a romantic novel 100% of the time, but I think if we are all completely honest with ourselves, we will admit that we think we should be happy in our marriage pretty much all of the time. Many couples cite unhappiness as the reason they are seeking marital counseling, and some even as their reason for separation or divorce, so this is not something to be underestimated, but it is certainly something to be understood.

So what is happiness? The dictionary defines it as “the quality or state of being happy; good fortune; pleasure; contentment; joy”. One of the recognized synonyms for happy is joy, but I think this is where I must disagree with the scholars who compile the dictionary. Although on the surface happiness and joy seem almost interchangeable there are many distinct differences that those of us who are Christians need to understand.
The Bible refers to Joy over 135 times and is full of reasons for us to really understand this subject. So, for starters, lets examine some of  the differences between Happiness and Joy.

It seems to me, as a wise Pastor of mine once said, “Happiness is overrated and joy is misunderstood”. We spend our lives chasing temporary happiness, feel entitled to be happy and even say that God wants us to be happy. Do this too long though, and we risk being deceived and forsaking something much more valuable and powerful – His Joy.

Joy can be described as the ‘difference-maker’ in the life of a Christian, and in my opinion this is even more true in the life of a married Christian. Being married can be the most amazing and most difficult experience of your life. Chase happiness, and I can guarantee that you will be disappointed, but seek joy despite your circumstances, and you will release God’s power into your life and marriage.Joy gives you the power to overcome anything that life throws your way; it is the most powerful of the Fruits of the Spirit. Nehemiah 8:20 tells us that “…the joy of the Lord is your strength”. If you are filled with joy, the trials of life will not shake you, you will not get sidetracked and you will be more stable. Joy produces the strength we need to fight the good fight of faith.

When we get married we don’t always think about the trials that will come, but think about them or not, they will come. Satan is always targeting Christian marriages; he is out to destroy our marriages and will use all available tactics to do so. Circumstances will come to threaten your happiness, and your spouse will undoubtedly do something to make you unhappy, but if your Joy comes from the Lord these things won’t weaken you. When you have joy your perspective changes.

So how do we increase in Joy and get this power working in our lives and our marriages? Here are some thoughts:

1. Stay in the Lord’s presence. For in His presence is “fullness of Joy” (Psalm 16:11)
2. Meditate on truth. God’s word is full of who we are and whose we are. Knowing these truths in our hearts bring joy.
3. Be careful with the words you speak. “Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof” (Prov 18:21).  Negative words can steal our joy.
4. Rejoice. Joy is one of the easiest fruits of the Spirit to lose – we must re-joice to ensure this doesn’t happen.
5. Grow in humility. It is hard to be concerned with getting things to make ourselves happy when we are giving of ourselves.

George Bernard Shaw had some thoughts about this topic: “This is the true joy of life, the being used up for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clot of ailments and grievances, complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy”.
So which do you want to be? A selfish clot, or a mighty force of nature with a purpose greater than yourself? Our marriages are more than just vehicles to make us happy and to feed into our selfish desires. We must remain joyful in our outlook to ensure our marriages remain strong enough to weather those storms that will come.